"Just wait, you'll get pregnant once you adopt."
This infers that biological children are preferable and adoption is second best. The latest research shows about 5% of couples spontaneously get pregnant after adopting. But, regardless, we've chosen this path.
"Do you have any of your own?"
Rather than saying "your own", it's better to say "biological children".
"He is going to be so blessed to have you."
We think we're going to be equally as blessed to have baby Kohlbacher as he/she will be to have us.
"You are doing the ultimate mission for God."
We're not adopting because we want to do a good deed. We know this is what God has planned for our family.
"Will you be able to track down his/her 'real' parents?"
Rather than saying "real parents", it's better to say "birth parents". And just to answer the question... We likely won't know information about his/her birth parents because it's illegal to abandon a child in Rwanda, so all of the kids from the orphanage have either lost their parents or been left anonymously to be found.
"How much will you have to pay for your child?"
This implies that babies can be bought and sold. The truth is we pay for adoption related services and costs, but not for our child.
"It's too bad you couldn't have your own children."
This infers that adoption is second best. We've chosen this path (or I guess you could say God chose it, but gave us the clear desire and direction) and have been avoiding pregnancy since we've been on this journey. Truth is that this child will be every bit our own child!
In closing...Have I written lately that we're so stinkin' excited and anxious?!?
"Do you have any of your own?"
Rather than saying "your own", it's better to say "biological children".
"He is going to be so blessed to have you."
We think we're going to be equally as blessed to have baby Kohlbacher as he/she will be to have us.
"You are doing the ultimate mission for God."
We're not adopting because we want to do a good deed. We know this is what God has planned for our family.
"Will you be able to track down his/her 'real' parents?"
Rather than saying "real parents", it's better to say "birth parents". And just to answer the question... We likely won't know information about his/her birth parents because it's illegal to abandon a child in Rwanda, so all of the kids from the orphanage have either lost their parents or been left anonymously to be found.
"How much will you have to pay for your child?"
This implies that babies can be bought and sold. The truth is we pay for adoption related services and costs, but not for our child.
"It's too bad you couldn't have your own children."
This infers that adoption is second best. We've chosen this path (or I guess you could say God chose it, but gave us the clear desire and direction) and have been avoiding pregnancy since we've been on this journey. Truth is that this child will be every bit our own child!
In closing...Have I written lately that we're so stinkin' excited and anxious?!?
3 comments:
Thanks for sharing this post!
Oh Tara, I feel ya. My favorite comment yet for us has been when a woman told me I was "very GREEN for adopting." WHAT??!?!?!? Unfortunately, once you get your baby the comments will still continue. People ask me all the time if I am going to have "real children." It's hard but it's a good exercise in grace. :)
Great post! Will you write one for my blog?! :) Actually, even I am finding that I stumble over the right words at times with having biological children and now adding to our family through adoption. I think it is SO wise of you to "educate" others in this way. It's a whole new world for all of us, so hopefully we'll all learn together!
(And, yes, as your other commenter said, I think our level of shock over what people will say or ask will only increase as we bring home our precious little ones! We'll have to keep a list of the quotes we get.)
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