The Kohlbacher Clan: New Year's Eve

12.31.2011

New Year's Eve

Today not only marks the last day of the New Year, but it marks…

-14 years since Isaac and I met on the slopes of Aspen, Colorado

-9 years since Isaac asked me to marry him

-8 years since Isaac and I tied the knot

-3 years since we started pursuing pregnancy

-2 years since we began the process of our adoption in Rwanda

It’s an incredibly memorable day for us - memorable in some wonderful ways… and also in some hard ways.

I haven’t been blogging because it’s been hard… really hard. And if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all, right? It’s been a daily struggle to find joy and peace in the midst of this wait for a child. This is certainly not where we planned to be, but here we are today and we know our God is in control.

C.S. Lewis said what I’m feeling perfectly:

“We’re not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”

In the midst of all the uncertainties (which is really in everything) I keep having to go back to God’s word (because it’s the only thing that is certain) to bring me hope and to guide me back to truth. Without it, I often spiral out of control and land in a pit.

Today, I was reminded of the verse in 2 Corinthians (4:7-10) where Paul said we carry around the knowledge of Christ like treasure in “jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.”

Truthfully, I’m a mess; however, through my pains and limitations it’s kept me dependent on Christ.

Now, don’t get me wrong. It doesn’t always look pretty. I’ve been pretty much kicking and screaming every step of the way that hasn’t gone my way. But, it usually boils down to a pleading and crying Tara on her knees. And then the cycle continues.

So, anyway…

To my loving husband that I’ve loved half my life:

It’s certainly not been an easy road, but I’m proud of us. While it would have been easier to give up, or stay the same and pretend things were fine, we have sought to be real.

Thanks for loving me through the good times and the bad. I love you and am glad we made the promise to one another and to God exactly 8 years ago.

I prayed today that God would give us many more memorable days together.

XOXO,

Tara